An introvert monologue

I often think about this scene. I keep thinking about Naina, and how it feels to be her. I can’t say I relate to her completely. I am not a topper or a doctor, and I did get weekends. I am not as brave as her to go on a trip with a bunch of strangers.

Unlike Naina, I had friends in every class even if I was shy, introverted, and a private person. It took time but eventually, I found my people.

Yet, I understand the frustration Naina felt here. I know how it feels to be invisible. I have always wanted to be an invisible person. I don’t like attention. But in those social settings, I do feel suffocated. It is not easy for people like us to make friends, be social, or just be ok with every joke or ‘Never Have I Ever’ game.  

And, sometimes even with my friends, (well, those old friends) I felt lonely and left out. I didn’t know what to do. 

Should I show my weird, Bollywood lover side who loves to dance to those 90’s songs?
Or should I keep my calm, quiet nature that everyone sees?

I haven’t become as confident as Naina over time. But I can somehow manage to be normal on those occasions.

I have never felt comfortable being myself. I have always dueled between my quiet and weird self. And after all these years, it felt like I had become invisible. I was so indulged in a few people that I made a wall around me that I didn’t even notice. And a few heartbreaks and losing people made that boundary so strong that I no longer have the faith to let people in.

My social anxiety, trust issues, high sensitivity, and my reactions which some people used to tell me were overreactions or being difficult or emotional; had made this more difficult now.

So it’s not easy for topper Naina or people like us. No, Bunny cannot make this easy with his charm or little dialogue.

It will be ok when we will finally accept ourselves. When we stop giving a damn what others think (without being mean), and when we will be ok with or without going to a party.
Or maybe it will always be the same.
But we will be ok eventually.

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