A short tale of small wins

If you ask me how I am, I honestly don’t know what to say. 
I am broke.
Not in a good state both physically and mentally for a long time, it feels like it is getting worse.
I have not read a book, or taken pictures for bookstagram in a few months.
In short, I have stopped doing things I love.

Every day I want to give up many times on everything, including life. I don’t find a reason for me being here as I feel I am not adding any value to anyone or anything. 

Yet, every day I say maybe tomorrow I will turn my life around.
So, I thought I would wake up early and turn my life around.
But I didn’t wake up early. Yet, I thought it’s ok. Let’s get to work.

So I made my bed, freshened up, did my skincare, and journaled after many days.
I wrote two lines but I counted it as my Win.
I read a book after months while having breakfast. It was difficult to keep steady as it felt like I was not being productive. So I just read one chapter. 
And I considered it a Win.

I completed the work I had for that day.
I drank water, not exactly 8 glasses but maybe 5-6 glasses. 
And I took them as my Wins.

I felt better.
Long story short, we talk about the big achievements and successes. But if you just wake up today, just have a shower, or just have a proper meal after fighting with your inner demons; let me tell you

Are you hearing me cheer for you?

I am the harshest to myself.
I couldn’t say this to myself.
So I thought let’s say this to you.

I just keep thinking about me standing in front of my future home that I bought.

I just keep seeing myself laughing with my family and friends and saying to myself, “Fariana, you did it.”

And I know it sounds like denial or a fairytale or just dreams. But I can’t live without them. I can’t let down my younger self, she is waiting for future me.

For one more day, for one more moment, to stand in front of that dream let’s count these small wins. 

Shall we?

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